Outline
- Definition
- “effective” means you get someone to change their behavior
- hurting someone’s feelings is a distraction
- How to avoid hurting someone’s feelings while criticizing them
- Talk about the behavior, not the person
- Talk about yourself, not them
- Good: “This makes me feel…”
- Bad: “You do X and you are being Y”
- Be as specific as possible, with examples
- Don’t generalize about them as a person
- Have counter-factuals. “If, isntead, you did X, here is how I would interpret that”
- Be open about your own mistakes
- When it goes wrong
- Establish common causes
- “We both want X, right? We just disagree on how to get there”
- Apologize, because you fucked up